Aug 8, 2008

My spirit fails...

"Therefore I am going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of Egypt.
In the day, declares the Lord ,you will call me 'my husband' and no longer call me my master."
Hosea 2:14-16

While in the desert this has been my prayer:

I stretch out my hands to You. My soul longs for You, as a parched land. Selah. Answer me quickly, O Lord, my spirit fails; Do not hide Your face from me, Or I will become like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul. Psalm 143

This summer God led me into the desert. He asked me to confront my deepest and darkest pain. The pain that I had never laid at His feet. I still felt as if it was somehow my fault. I was six years old...... it wasn't my fault. I had sat my faith on top of the pain hoping to cover it up. But God wanted to expose it and expel it. (dark places in my heart) As painful as this process has been I can now say I somewhat enjoyed the pilgrimage. I am still on this pilgrimage. I am learning to love deeper, to trust my Father, to mourn the loss of a childhood, and to experience real joy! I am finding that my identity is not found in people or my life experiences but in Him. 

My grandpa was a pastor and my grandma was the piano player. When I hear old hymns it takes me back to hearing him preach and my grandmother sing. I have recently been not just singing but listening with my heart to the words. One in particular struck a cord with me. 

Because He lives I can face tomorrow
Because He lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
and life is worth the living just because He lives


1 comment:

  1. This ministered to me.. thank you for posting this :) Love ya!


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