An unexpected journey

After the birth of our second born Cohen, it was clear that the blood issues I had with luke's delivery seem to be a pattern with my pregnancies. I hemorrhage during delivery. Vaginal deliveries are risky enough but if there was an emergency and a c-section was necessary that would be extra risky with my condition. I know people that have the same condition that had to have an emergency c-section and because they couldn't stop the bleeding had to have a hysterectomy. It's so risky and scary.

After weighing the risks I decided I was done birthing babies. My husband on the other hand was having a harder time coming to a final decision. Which is why he didn't do anything permanent. I knew I didn't want to birth anymore babies but I still had a desire for more children. I have always had a heart for adoption ever since I was a young girl. Adoption was something he had never thought about. He had a few reservations. We finally decided fostering young children would be a good way to share our home and love for little ones without having to make a final decision. One evening while my husband and I were discussing foster parenting, he looked at me with such sadness and said "I think it would be so heartbreaking having to send them back to their families." After time our desire to foster led to a desire to foster to adopt. I was beyond elated, I started looking up paperwork and was getting the process started. That was in January.

Mid February I started getting a strange feeling that I couldn't shake. Finally on February 15 I woke my husband and said..

"I think I'm pregnant."

He laughed.. and laughed. "There's no way!" He said through his laughter.

Well, mother's intuition was right.

There was no denying it or misreading the stick. PREGNANT! (emphasis mine)

I initially had a lot of fear and anxiety. I had no idea how far along I was because for the life of me I couldn't remember my LMP. And I had to supplement progesterone with both of my boys. It is believed that my miscarriages were due to low progesterone. I needed to get to a doctor and start the progesterone! But I found out on a Friday. There was nothing I could do but wait until the following week to get into the doctor.

I had a lot of emotions in the waiting period, I didn't want another pregnancy. Another child yes, but a pregnancy is frightening. I was upset with my husband. I cried... a lot. I was fearful I would lose the baby but at the same time fearful of going through another pregnancy and birthing process. In the midst of all of this I was in a state of shock. When I finally was able to get the test to see where my progesterone levels were I was shocked. It came back at 17.5. I could never get it that high with my other pregnancies even after taking supplements. Usually it's like a 8 or 9. Crazy! The Lord provided exactly what I needed to carry this pregnancy through. I didn't need to take progesterone!! If any of you know how you take progesterone you know why that is a HUGE blessing. ;)

After a few sonograms and guessing when my cycle was in December (My LMP was in January but the only cycle date I can remember is in December. From those dates guessed when my LMP was in January. Boy is that confusing or what?!) we think we have a due date. October 15.

Here's a sono taken at 9 weeks (I was 6 weeks when we found out I was pregnant). Look at that detail!! Hands, arms, head ear, legs and at the bottom you can see the feet!!

At the time of writing this I am 14 weeks. This pregnancy has been very different from my other two. With the other two I was vomiting non. stop. Seriously several times a day. It didn't matter if I ate every few hours or what.. I threw up. With this pregnancy I've only thrown up a handful of times (is that tmi?) and it's only because I waited too long to eat.  Even though I really haven't been sick I have felt sick. Especially in the mornings. yuck. I'm also battling migraines which leaves me in the bed for a few days at a time. And of course exhaustion but now that I'm in my second trimester I have a little bit more energy.

Now that I'm over the initial shock of this surprise I am very excited. I'm sure as my due date draws near I will be plagued with all the same fears. But that's why I am learning to trust Him through this process.

We have also put the adoption stuff on hold for the time being. We'll revisit that in the future. For now will you please join us in praying for this little one and for the birth!

ETA: Many of you know our story of trying to conceive with our boys. Getting pregnant was never an easy process for us but this pregnancy happened the first time we got a few dates mixed up. You have no idea how insane that is at least for us. The Lord had such a hand in that but I also contribute the sudden state of "fertile myrtle" to our drastic diet changes we've made this past year. We removed 80% of all processed and GMO foods. I have a post coming to explain that further. Now that I'm feeling a little bit better blogging can get back to it's regular scheduled programming.

Also adding: I apologize to those who read this before having a chance to proof read it. Oh goodness!

Mom Heart Conference

(photo credit- Jen)

Last weekend my friend Jen flew down from Minnesota to join me at Sally Clarkson's Mom Heart conference. It was awesome as usual. I stocked up on great books that I still need to read. It was a lot of fun spending time with Jen and learning how to be a good mommy. 

My favorite speaker was blogger Kat at Inspired to Action. Her talk was very inspirational! Go check her out if you've never heard of her. 

Pictures

One more of this sweet girl.

Sweet baby

From a recent newborn session.

It's Friday

Today is Friday. It's the day that everyone  looks to, "if we can just make it to Friday". It's the light at the end of a tunnel filled with tantrums, meals, diaper changes, hand washes, naps, home-schooling, laundry, cleaning and the list goes on.

It's Friday.

Another week has gone by. Our children are a week older. They have new phrases and accomplishments that they were not able to do last week but this week they can.

It's Friday.

I confess that I rolled out of bed on Monday morning telling myself only 5 more days until it's Friday. I was not eager to start the week nor was my attitude one that reflected His goodness.

It's Friday

We made it. God gave you another week with your precious children. Did you seize the opportunity to put down your phone and look into their faces and tell them how much God loves them? Did you rock them and tell them how much you love them? Did you share and demonstrate God's goodness to them? Did you make memories with them? Did you get down on the floor and play trains with them or have a tea party? How did you do this week with the awesome responsibility that is your children?

It's Friday

Monday is just a few days away. And they will be taller next week than they were this week. They will know more next week than they do this week. It will be a week filled with household responsibilities, errands, and you will feel stretched. Don't let those responsibilities overshadow the reason God gave you children. He gave them to you to share His goodness and to stretch you so that you know you can't do it without Him.

It's Friday

Tired, weary Mama you can do next week. Do it with a purpose. Time is going by too fast. Your children are changing and growing quickly. You have to seize every week, every moment with them to share his goodness and grace. Praise the Lord He gave you another week. Now start praying for next week. Pray that you will embrace every day, every moment as a gift from God. Don't waste next week or any week, time is too precious.

Today is Friday, this week is already gone and we are just a few days from starting another week. We can do this sisters, with His help we can embrace another week.

Why we don't watch most children's movies and TV shows

In Sally Clarkson's book The Mission of Motherhood she shares something that at the time I found to be so profound. (paraphrasing) She says "Scripture tells us to guard our hearts above all else. We as adults have the ability to do that. We can turn off the TV, change the radio station, or choose to change locations. But our children depend on us to do that for them. We must be the ones to stand guard of their precious hearts."

I don't judge people that let their kids watch certain TV shows or movies. Each parent has to pray about it and come to that decision on their own. This post isn't meant to be judgmental or make it seem like we've got it figured out. But more of a post just sharing our thoughts on it. Parenting is a hard job and we certainly don't have it figured out. 

Once our children are introduced to something via TV, music, friends or by way of any other media there's no going back. They can't un-see what they've seen, heard, or witnessed. While they are little, right now our boys are 2 and 3, their media will be heavily monitored. 

I've heard the argument that children don't pick up on the "bad stuff" and that it's just entertaining.  I respectfully disagree. Their brains are sponges and they do pick up on so many things while watching TV. 

Here's a scene from the popular movie, Beauty and the Beast. 

I remember watching this scene in Beauty and the Beast as a young child. I also remember having the distinct thought that it's ok to be mean to certain people (the scene where they are making fun of Bell's father), that if I had a crush on a boy I'm suppose to fawn over him and wear revealing clothes, (don't laugh I really thought this. See video at 1:54-2:05), and just overall Gaston is not a man that kids need to be looking up to. I know he is small character in the movie but again kids pick up on these sorts of things. In the eyes of kids they see this man that everyone seems to be looking up to acting like a fool and that's a powerful influence in their innocent hearts.

I'm just using Beauty and the Beast as an example there are many. My biggest problem with a lot of these movies and TV shows is that there is too much adult content. I don't mean adult as in pornography. I mean adult as in love stories, murders, death, violence, crude humor, and bullying to name a few. (The Lion King, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Shrek)

There are very few shows the boys are allowed to watch. The three that we are ok with are Curious George, Barney, and Sid the Science Kid. All three of those shows are on PBS. The one Disney movie we let them watch is Finding Nemo. There are no love stories in the movie, and the boys get to see the consequences of a boy (or fish) disobeying his dad. And a father despite his son's disobedience unending love for his son. 

The boys don't get a lot of TV time. There are many days when it never gets turned on. But there are times when it's helpful; while making dinner, when a sitter is over, when I need to take a phone call, when I'm not feeling well or while we are traveling in a plane. 

Now we are not ultra-conservative, legalistic over- protective parents. But we do understand and take seriously the powerful influence media has on our kids. They have the rest of their lives to be adults and deal with adult problems. Today I want them to be little and their only worry be finding their lost baseball glove. 

We'll expand what they can watch as they get older and are able to process what's right and wrong. But for now we enjoy a mostly TV viewing free home. There is so much to do build blocks, forts, pre-school, dance to music, color, ride bikes, scavenger hunts outdoors, and the list could go on and on. 

What are your TV boundaries in your home?

Friendship/community

For quiet times recently I've been going through Matt Chandler's Ecclesiastes series. It has been incredible. (ps the village church has one of the best church apps..check it out!)

The last one I listened to was Communal Lessons. If you only listen to one thing this week, let this be it.

In this sermon Matt gives 4 things that are friendship/gospel-center community killers.

1. Jealousy
Jealousy will always derail your chances at deep community and relationships because you believe you deserve what God chooses to give others.

2. Laziness
Relationships take work on both parts! (this applies to marriages, friendships, family, community)

3. Dissatisfaction-
If you are unhappy with where God has you now and say things will get better once I get a new job, house, kids etc. then you are always living in the future (ie..future job, family, home, friends) If you are living in the future you are not living in the here and now. Be happy with where God has you now even in the midst of sorrow.

4. Work
Working 90 hours a week to be able to gain the latest trinket is "chasing the wind". There will always be someone that has more things or makes more money. It's all meaningless! Make sure you are checking your motives for working "too much". You can't take back this time with your kids, spouse and gospel-centered community.

A few other points:

If you have a friend that loves you enough to confront you, you are blessed!! Few people have friends that are willing to do that.

Have you ever found yourself celebrating someone else's failures? Has someone got on your nerves because of the good that's happened to them? We are called to "rejoice with those who are rejoicing and weep with those who are weeping".  If you are not willing to address the wickedness in your own heart community will always derail on you.

We need each other...with Christ as the center...we need each other.

This list and points apply to friendships, marriages, community and family...ALL relationships.

Hopefully this blessed you as much as it did me. Is there anything you would add to Matt's list?


Until next time!

Monica

Weekend is over

We are finally back to a normal schedule starting today. Hubby was off 7 days during Christmas, went back for two days and then was off for new years day, worked a few more days and then it was the weekend again. The boys are totally confused on if daddy is working or if he's at home... so is mommy.

We were spoiled having him around so much but I'm sure he's ready to get back into the grind. This weekend was suppose to be one where we marked off several items off our to-do list. But it ended up being a little more laid back. We did however finish taking down the rest of the Christmas decor.

Now that the Christmas decor is down I am reminded that we still need to paint and decorate this home!  We moved in August, finished some big home remodeling projects, and then busy time hit both my husband and myself with work stuff. Then it was just survival mode. It was a miracle to have three meals, clean clothes, and beds made. The last thing on either of our minds was house decorating. But now that things have slowed down, I have got to get my inner Martha Stewart/Nate Berkus in gear! What are your favorite home design blogs??

I'm more of a decorate one room at a time kind of person or I can easily get overwhelmed. We finished the boys' room and the kitchen (except for paint). The next room I want to tackle is the laundry room. I will be posting progress on the blog!

Did anyone watch the season premiere of Downton Abbey?! Did you know you can watch season 3 online? Don't know if that is ok... If you haven't seen season 3, it's a doozy but you'll love it! Anyone having any watching parties? And why can't they simultaneously air the seasons here and in the UK? Seems like they should be able to do that. Especially since people can watch it online.

I hope you all had a great weekend! Here's a picture of this sweetie snuggled with his velveteen rabbit.

Books I'm looking forward to in 2013

If you are married and have yet to read "What Did You Expect?" by Paul Tripp why the heck not?! It's hands down the best marriage book on the market. I will be going through this book again for the 5 millionth time this year!

The first book is Desperate by Sally Clarkson and Sara Mae
Sally Clarkson's book "The Mission of Motherhood"  is one of my favorite parenting books that I refer to often. In her new book she and sweet blogger and Alume founder Sara Mae talk to mothers who are overwhelmed by motherhood. And let's face it what mother hasn't been overwhelmed? Greatly looking forward to the encouragement and wisdom this book will provide.

Audrey Bunny by Angie Smith
Anything this woman writes is a must read in my opinion. Her new book coming out Fall 2013 according the her publisher's website, will be her first children's book.

So at the moment I only have two on the list. I'm a little out of the loop this year. Any other great books coming out in 2013 that should be added to the list?

2012 in review

If you've been reading this blog for a while you know that I normally do a video at the end of the year. You can check out past ones here and here.  I just realized I never did one for 2011...slacker!

Instead of a video this year it will just be pictures.

2012 was a year of endings and new beginnings, with the death of my mother in law, great uncle, and step grandmother all within three weeks of one another. Then my brother in law got married! We've enjoyed getting to know our new sister in laws this year. It's been fun to watch the family grow. 

Cohen had a hospital stay because he ate poisonous berries. We moved to our new house. Which we are loving! We took a few mini vacations. The boys learned how to swim. After a LOT of prayer we decided to change churches. I had my first 31 days series on the blog. Little man had a serious allergic reaction at my brother in law's wedding. There were lots of friendship changes in 2012. Some for the better, new friendships and some that drifted apart due to busyness. (which is so sad!) My photography business had its best year yet and I hope it continues to grow in 2013. 

I learned a lot this year about family, being a mom, life, love, eating healthier, and being more intentional with my boys. 2012 was a great year, there is much to be thankful for! 

I'm adding a linky to this post and would like to invite you to link up your year in review post. Share your year in a video or pictures! PLEASE link back to pixelperfectblog.com and be sure to visit everyone else's blog! Everyone that enters will get their blog post tweeted! 

The linky is now working! Your blog posts will be tweeted tomorrow. Happy New Year! 

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