Nov 10, 2009

Pillow talk : Part 1

********This series is for the ladies only and is meant only for adults!! Only proceed if you fit into both of those categories. This is my most risque post yet! {Blushing is allowed}
*********

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Introducing a new series: Pillow Talk
Intimacy God's way!

Why am I blogging about this??
I am open about {almost} everything
God created intimacy between husband and wife {and I'm ok with talking about it}
Women should be encouraging one another in this area!
When I asked hubby if he was ok with me writing this post his response was HECK YES! Ha!!

"Don't forget to start the dishwasher"
"Has it really been two weeks since I mopped the kitchen floor?!"
"I need to go grocery shopping"
"Sister is calling, I can talk to her later"
"But I wonder why she is calling"
"Maybe she is wanting to have lunch with me"
"Oh, lunch! I'm hungry"
"Chinese...no, hamburger...no"
"I'm on a diet. Oh, yeah I forgot...that means sandwich and grapes"
"What's that smell?"
"When did I last shower?!"
"I remember showering a lot more before I was a mom"
"Oh, it's little man. He needs a diaper change"

This is a peek into my thought process in a 30 second period! Imagine what it's like in a 24 hour period. I don't think I am alone in this.  Most women are this way. Our minds never stop! When our husbands are desiring intimacy it's hard to stop everything that's going on in our minds and be able to turn it on! For most women it takes a while to be able to switch gears from mommy to lover. We are crock-pots, slow to heat up and men are microwaves! But just because we don't have sex on the brain as much as our husbands do that doesn't mean that we withhold it from them or give them our second best.

A lightbulb went off for me when someone gave me this explanation. "What would you do if your husband walked into the house and ignored you. What if you were having a bad day and all you wanted to do was sit and talk it through with him but he refused to talk to you. How would that make you feel" Well for me personally I would be crushed. I have a great desire to be emotionally connected to my husband. If he denied that from me I would feel unloved and hurt. Well, same with hubby. If I denied him his need for intimacy he would be hurt. {I'm not saying that you are his sex slave that must do it every time he asks!! I'm saying don't be cold or refuse sex as a punishment.} Sex is not just for men. Women can enjoy it too! But because we wear so many different hats during the day it's hard to switch modes. There are a few things that I do to make it easier to switch. When I walk into our bedroom that is adult time.

1. Turn your bedroom into a sanctuary.
I try to keep our bedroom the cleanest room in the house. Our bedroom isn't cluttered but decorated romantically. I take out the playpen and children's toys before bed time. There are no pictures of our child in our bedroom. Not because we don't love him. But because the last thing I want to be reminded of is the hard day I had with little man or have his little eyes watching. {weird}

2. We got rid of the TV in our bedroom.
You would not believe what this has done for our marriage. We actually have conversations now before bed. Screen time {computers, tvs, PDA's} was taking over our marriage. It had to go!

3. The scent.
I have perfume that I only wear for intimacy. He can smell it a mile away and will drop whatever he's doing. :)

4. Make out.
It's not just for hormonal teenagers and can be fun! I think this one is the second to go right after manners.

5. Shave your legs.
It's a small but appreciated task that hubby will thank you for.

6. Gourmet
If you left every time you were intimate up to spontaneity it might never happen. We schedule intimate time. That way I know it is coming and I can mentally shut everything down before hand and get excited about it!! {Yes, there still is plenty of spontaneity}

Before marriage it was hard to keep your hands off him and now that you're married it's different. Because before we were married the fleshly desire to rebel against God was to be physical with your boyfriend/fiance but in marriage the fleshly desire is to withhold. Which is also rebelling against God's plan.

What do you do to keep the romance alive?

***This series has been in the making for weeks now. I have prayed about it, lost sleep over it and tried to not let the fear of what others may think over take me. I hope that it is encouraging to you. It was hard to actually take the plunge and post it. :)

24 comments:

  1. Enjoyed this post! Glad to see you can be so honest about it :) I like the idea of taking the childrens photos out of the bedroom. I have never thought about it, but now that you mention it, it makes sense.

    I keep lingerie on hand to keep the "spark" alive in our marriage. No matter what hubby is doing, if he knows that I have something like that on, or am going to put it on, he drops everything. :) Keeping it alive when children come along is hard. Glad to see you are working hard to keep yours up!

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  2. Hi Monica! I just went to a fabulous mom's convention and saw a dynamic couple speak. They wrote the book (and many others) called "Red Hot Monogamy." While I'm just starting to read this book, its nothing short of paradigm changing. I love this series- keep up with it! Kudos to you!

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  3. Thanks sandy! Red hot monogamy is a great book!! You will definitely enjoy it. ;)

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  4. Really enjoyed the post! Even though I've only been married for less than two years, these are great reminders and tips for keeping the romance alive and well!

    Another great book is Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman! :D

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  5. oh Monica...i only wish i was brave enough to write a post like this...and even more brave to follow through on my writing.

    it is sooo very very tough jumping from overworked/stressed mommy (of 2!) to sexy wife. after many many arguments about this exact subject i think i'm finally starting to get the hang of it. this post just assured me too. thank you! and yes, kudos to you! keep 'em coming.

    now, i'm going to have to check out the two books listed...sound interesting! just need to find some time to read them, i guess :)

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  6. those books are great resources...one way to spice it up even more is to read them aloud to each other. married for 7 years, and i was blushing reading a chapter of sheet music out loud to my husband! its quite intimate!

    we also flirt. a lot. texting and emails (you can get pretty risque and have fun). you have to communicate with your husband if this is new, as sometimes the man will take any flirting to mean you will jump him when he walks into the door. but we have had MANY talks and he knows that flirting keeps the spark alive, but doesn't necessarily mean- sex now.

    very good for women to encourage and be open about all this... it usually doesn't come naturally, and its practiced and practiced, and good to bounce around new ideas!!! :)

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  7. Great post! I agree with it all!

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  8. What a great post, and very well done! I know I struggle with turning off the mommy in me since having a baby. I also struggle with my body image and what having a baby has done to it. I try to remind myself that God doesn't want me to feel that way about my body. New lingera and dim lighting help;).

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  9. I'm looking forward to the next installment, Monica! I'm so glad you're writing this. Christian women are usually curious, but too embarrassed or confused thinking that this is an inappropriate subject matter for women of the faith and if you're interested, you're perverted. But, if you're married, you need some sort of council. If more Christian women actually got over their embarrassment, maybe that would minimize some of the divorce percentages in the church.

    Thanks for being brave and writing it! :)

    I need to read those books! :) LOL I might blush myself silly getting them on Inter-Library Loan... No one would be wondering about what was going on, that's for sure!

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  10. I'm looking forward to the next installment, Monica! I'm so glad you're writing this. Christian women are usually curious, but too embarrassed or confused thinking that this is an inappropriate subject matter for women of the faith and if you're interested, you're perverted. But, if you're married, you need some sort of council. If more Christian women actually got over their embarrassment, maybe that would minimize some of the divorce percentages in the church.

    Thanks for being brave and writing it! :)

    I need to read those books! :) LOL I might blush myself silly getting them on Inter-Library Loan... No one would be wondering about what was going on, that's for sure!

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  11. great subject! We don't have a tv in our room. We agreed on it when we got married. Its really nice to know that the "box" will not be turned on in there.

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  12. Thanks for this series, by the way! Thank you for being obedient and talking about this "blushing" topic.

    Hmmmmm,

    I try to cultivate a mindset about him. Make myself more beautiful. Put on that special scent.

    As for our bedroom, we do have a TV and it does seem to be more cluttered than other places in the home. Maybe I should work on that :-)

    Thanks again!

    Hugs,
    Traci

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  13. Great subject matter. I love that you were brave enough to put it out there. Since I am from the 'older' generation, I have to say that the electronic age (tv, vcr, blackberries, twitter) were not something that I had to contend with in my marriage. It still took work to keep the spark active when we had small children, but you have given some very good points to work on. I love the remove the children's pictures from the bedroom. I would never have thought of that one. I hope you will continue on this subject matter.

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  14. Great post, Monica! Thanks for the tips. Something to think about for sure!

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  15. Monica,
    Don't let the fear of man keeping you from being obedient. Good topic. Great advice. Can't wait to see the next installment. See ya on Saturday.

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  16. WOW! I just happened to bloghop by, and what an awesome topic to cover... funny our Sunday School class is covering the same topic. I need to take more of this to heart... Thanks for the insight.

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  17. Thank you for being so brave and sharing this post! I look forward to more!!

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  18. Thank you for the good reminders!

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  19. Great post. Do you mind me asking more about planning time for intimacy?

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  20. awesome post - so well written and such truth you put into such easy to understand and relate to terms!
    Can't wait to see what installment 2 is about!
    We determined from the beginning of our marriage that we would never have a TV in our bedroom, and I agree with you in that it just helps make the space that much more special, intimate, peaceful.
    Thanks for sharing what was on your heart regarding a tough topic (well, tough to write out loud about!)

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  21. This is a wonderful post Monica, Thank you. I agree with all of it. God is so good to help us keep our marriages thrilling. Have a great week. Kathi

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  22. Hi Monica!

    I came over here from KingdomTwindom.com :)

    THANK YOU for starting this series! I will DEFINITELY be coming back.

    Blessed,
    Renee
    www.queridafamiliablog.blogspot.com

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  23. Great post! I'm an LPC (licensed counselor) and intimacy, or lack thereof, is a huge issue in marriage counseling. The crockpot/microwave analogy is very fitting and something I explain to my (adult) clients frequently in addition to the fact that most women need the emotional connection to desire intimacy and most men need the intimacy to feel the emotional connection.
    Thanks for sharing your views. I'm looking forward to reading more.

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  24. Wow, this line: Because before we were married the fleshly desire to rebel against God was to be physical with your boyfriend/fiance but in marriage the fleshly desire is to withhold.

    NEVER thought of it like that. Thank you!

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