Sep 15, 2010

Sharing the love

While pregnant with little man I had several moms who told me that having a child allows you to experience a type of love that can't be described. They were right. The moment I was able to hold my baby without help (you'll have to read the birth story to understand) I was in love. My heart was so full of joy and love that it could burst. I immediately became very protective over him and wanted to no harm to come to him. As he grows so does my love for him.

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I will be so exhausted from the day and I can't wait for bed time to have a few moments of rest. But twenty minutes after we have laid him down, I miss him. If he is hurting I hurt. If he is laughing, I am laughing.

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When he was going through is bout of vomiting without explanation, I was worried sick.

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I have had to sever relationships to protect him from harm.


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I love to watch him as he is sleeping. I love reading to him. I love holding him. I love kissing him.

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There is no other person that exhausts me, makes me cry, frustrates me, brings to my knees in prayer or brings me more joy than my son.

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I now get what the other moms were talking about. It's an unexplainable love.

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This week I am entering my third trimester. I have had several thoughts about how I love little man so much how does baby number 2 fit into this picture?

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Do I experience the same thing with him? How does that work?I've been struggling with feelings of guilt over this. How can I possibly love two of them as much as I love the one?

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Cohen will very much be loved in this family. We can't wait to meet him! It's just hard for me at the moment to wrap my mind around what that will look like. Moms of multiple children I'd love to hear your input!

19 comments:

  1. I promise you...the minute you see him and hold him in your arms you will have that EXACT same love. God is so good like that. He has created us with a capacity to love equally and powerfully...and I promise you this...even after four children...there is no shortage of love!! ;)

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  2. i remember feeling the same things before my second little boy was born. again, it's unexplainable how you have just as much love for your second baby as your first. :) congratulations again! :)

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  3. With my second son, for some reason it took me awhile to feel a bond. I think most of it was a combination of stress from nursing problems and hormones. But now? Oh...my 2nd son is the apple of my eye. I love my firstborn so deeply but I relate more to my 2nd son. I can't begin to imagine my life without him!

    I also have two girls! It's hard to understand how it works, but with each child, your heart grows and you love each one equally, yet different. It's indescribable and truly amazing! And a great reminder of how God is with each of us! ;)

    And remember something: while your son WILL lose some of your attention, he is gaining a BROTHER! A life-long friend! I promise he'll find the trade-off to be more than worth it. :)

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  4. When I had my oldest, it was so surreal! I couldn't even explain how much love was flowing from my heart when I heard him cry for the first time! When I found out we were expecting again, I felt slightly guilty wondering how to spread my love around. The day after I gave birth to my second baby boy, his big brother came to meet him...when he walked in the door, I burst into tears!! I missed him so much! He climbed on the bed to meet his baby brother and my almost burst with happiness, joy and love for these TWO blessings from God! Don't fret, there is definitely enough love to go around and then some!

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  5. Oh, I just LOVE Cohen!!!! What an awesome name!!! Your little boy is adorable! He is going to make a GREAT big brother!! Isn't that weird to think of him as an older brother? It'll be great!

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  6. My friend Melissa (you've met her and she has 3 kids) explained to me that it's like God increases your love tank. You will have the same amount of love for Luke that you've always had but you'll also love Cohen just as much and in the same way you love Luke.

    It's "funny" that you posted this today because I've been struggling with the same thing the last few weeks. Will I be as attached to Landry as quickly and in the same capacity as I was/am to Caden? How will my relationship with Caden change (I don't want it to change at all)? I'm curious and nervous about all of this but I know that God will make it all fall into perfect place!

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  7. OK, I'm a lurker and I don't think I've ever commented, but I just wanted to put my two cents in. I am pregnant with baby #6! :) And I can tell you truthfully, it's the same everytime. It's like my heart just makes room for the new one without pushing anyone else out. I think that because God knows how many children we will have before we ever even ARE, He makes our hearts just the right size for our families. I was nervous before the second one as well, but loving her was just as natural as breathing and after that one, I wasn't nervous again.
    Jen

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  8. I don't have a second child yet, but Hubby and I are talking about adding to our little family soon. I'm enjoying these comments because since becoming a mom with our first son, I can't imagine ever loving another the way that I love this one. :)

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  9. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child. I remember walking into my daughter's room that morning and crying b/c I felt so guilty. She was'nt going to get my undivided attention anymore. I felt that way pretty much throughout the pregnancy, but the day he was born and she saw her brother for the first time...I knew it was going to be ok. Believe me there is love to go around...no doubt about it. Not only will you fall in love with Cohen, you will fall in deeper love with your new family dynamic...if that makes sense. :)

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  10. Hi there

    Just started following your blog a couple of weeks ago and enjoying your beautiful photos and perspective on life :-)

    I was having the very same thoughts this time last year, and my littlest is just about to turn one now.

    My sister-in-law always said to me a beautiful phrase regarding mother-love, that it doesn't divide it multiplies. And it is so true!

    One of my favourite bloggers Simon at Greatfun4kids wrote a lovely piece on just this topic last week. There's a link from my blog on my Loving..Not Loving to her post. Worth a read :-)

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  11. I felt such an attachment to my little girl as well, and could not even imagine loving another human as much as I loved my princess. I was so surprised to feel different, but very intense, feelings for my newborn son. I was so protective of him, whereas I had been very laid back with his sister. The only time I am torn now is when they are both hurting or crying and my lap is only big enough for one. I love them both so much!

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  12. I have no advice for you as I only have one now. I'm sure I will be having the same questions though the next time I am expecting. :)
    That's so cute that Little Man closes the door in the play room. Brad does that sometimes when we go to play in his room. Also, Brad loves Elmo too. :)

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  13. Just like everyother mom i understand your feeling completely, i had one moment where i broke down sobbing and told my husband i was sure i could never love another baby like i did our first son... And just like every mom told me, when you hold your second you feel that same amazing, overwhelming love for him. I will tell you though that i didn't believe a word of it until the second i heard Kiah's first cry, then it was over for me, i was just as madly in love with him as i was my first. I promise the second you hear that little peep everything will change and you'll know more love than you ever thought possible, just wait until you see them together, your heart might just break from all the joy and love in there!

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  14. You know, I wondered about that when I was pregnant with my second. I didn't know how to share the amazing love that I felt for my oldest. Now that my babies are 3 and 9 months, I really understand what people meant when they say they can't pick a favorite. I love them both equally.

    It's not like I went into it trying to match the love I feel for Leah, but the day Audrey was born; it's like my heart doubled and I have more than enough love for the two of them.

    My advice is don't worry about it. It will happen whether you are thinking about it or not!

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  15. When I was pregnant with my second child, I had those same feelings. I talked to the pediatrician about it in passing at an appointment and she told me, "Love always multiplies, never divides." And she was absolutely right!
    The cool thing, is now they not only have mom and dad to love, but each other as well.

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  16. When I was pregnant with my second, I felt so resentful the whole pregnancy- I was so sure he'd take my time away from my oldest. I could not fathom loving another baby a fraction of the amount I loved my first. I was so scared the whole pregnancy.

    And then he was born... and it was like a switch was flipped. I immediately couldn't imagine life without #2, and loved him immensely and equally to my first.


    Loving Two

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

    Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

    I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I cant, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

    You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

    But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. Im afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.

    But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

    More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

    I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, Ive given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.

    And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you .you each have your own supply.

    I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

    Author Unknown

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  17. I just recently had my third baby. I struggled with this, too. But at the same time, I was worried that I just wasn't ready for another. This baby was a complete shock to us. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. The birth was magical and when I was holding my newborn son, something spectacular happened. I had a hard time trying to explain how I felt.

    Then I read this: http://mycharmingkids.net/2010/09/a-love-letter-to-my-baby/

    Mckmama wrote this about her son who is exactly one week younger than mine. He is her 5th child. I cried as I read it because it was just exactly how I feel about my baby that I couldn't put into words! What a precious gift from God, these babies! My heart is so full of love for all three of them--it's amazing. :)

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  18. Thank you ladies all so much for your wisdom. I cried as I read some of your responses. I absolutely love the saying "love doesn't divide it multiplies"!

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  19. What a beautiful boy and I love the "every day" shots you captured. Congrats on you impending arrival!

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