Jan 30, 2012
Gathered around the dinner table eating a homemade meal is a favorite tradition in our family. Hubby will ask about my day and I share with him the mundane tasks I accomplished. You know I washed the clothes, vacuumed, wiped bottoms, said no about 1,000 times over and during nap time tried to put back together a house destroyed by two curious little boys. That's my day every. single. day. After sharing my day it's his turn to share his. His day usually consists of discovering new ways to save his company hundreds of thousands of dollars, meeting with fun people, jet setting all over the world in first class, and sometimes a few rounds of golf. He's valuable to his company and gets recognition for his hard work. He's relevant to people.
Lately I've been finding longing for that type of freedom, longing for that kind of value. I feel trapped behind diapers, laundry, meals, and other mundane tasks. I can't go to the grocery store any time I feel like it, heck I can barely find the time to wash my hair! (yes, I take baths but washing my hair is whole other luxury) It's so frustrating to hear my sister say, (who is single without children) "Well, this is the life you wanted."
That's true. I longed for this life and I wouldn't trade my boys for the world. I love them so much!! But today, today I'm struggling. Today Satan is pulling out all the stops. He's telling me that as a stay at home mom I am nothing more than a babysitter. That I hold no value. I know that these are lies. I know that God's calling is for me to stay home with my boys to instill God's truth in their hearts. And I know that, that will have a generational impact. I know all those things...
But that doesn't mean that I'm not human. That doesn't mean that I don't find myself struggling with a little bit of jealousy towards my husband when I hear of his adventurous and important role in the business world. Sigh... I am not perfect and with God's strength I will get past this slump. Now back to wiping noses and bottoms.
Have you ever felt like this?
Edited to add: Those that know him in real life already know this but I wanted to make it clear to others that don't. My husband is an incredibly encouraging man. Who daily praises my hard work at home and prays faithfully for his family. I am incredibly thankful for his job and for his leadership in our home.