Jan 25, 2010

Pillow Talk: Part 2

*****This post is for women over the age of 18. Please quit reading if you don't fit within those guidelines!!!*******

****Hubby has read and ok'ed everything in this post.

It's the second installment of the infamous pillow talk series! The feedback on the last one was very positive and I hope this one is just as encouraging.

In the comment section of the last post the book "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman was brought up. That is definitely a good read! We read that one a few weeks before we were married.  Right before we were married we were given the assignment by our pre-marital counselors to read "Sheet Music" and we did. I was also given the book "The Act of Marriage" I started reading this one before marriage and quickly put it down. I let a friend of mine read it who was married and she started squealing! "You can't read this before marriage!" HA! It's a great book about intimacy in marriage but is way more forth coming than "Sheet Music".  It doesn't get as much press as Sheet Music because it was written like 30 years ago (or longer) but in my opinion it's better. If you are married you should check both of them out. Both are written by christian authors.

In the last post I had mentioned that sometimes our rendezvous are planned. Going into a little bit more detail. I have several friends that do this and it will look different for everyone. One of my friends knows that every Tuesday is their evening for intimacy. That way she has all day to mentally prepare. She specifically will pray that God will help clear her mind, that she will delight in her husband's touch and that their time together will be blessed. Her and her husband will send flirty texts back and forth all day. By the time he gets home she is excited to see him and excited about that evening. They work together to try and get the kids down early. They turn off all screens. (phones, tvs and computers)

Tuesday night is their night. The rest of the time it is spontaneous but they both know that they will not go one week without being intimate.

Intimacy in marriage is more than pro-creation. "It is the mingling of souls" as Matt Chandler beautifully words it. It allows us to become close in a way that we can't experience with anyone else. There have been a few times we have gone longer than a week without it.  Because hubby was out of town. It's amazing to me to watch how "short" hubby and I get with one another and snappy. Not only that but we both agree there is a distance we feel with each other. It's simply because we need to come together and experience oneness.

Prayer and intimacy
How many of you pray for your sex life? Pray for God to bless it! Not only that, I pray almost daily that I will be attracted to my husband only. That I will crave his touch.  There have been many times that we have sat and prayed for our intimacy together. God cares about your intimate moments. In fact it's an act of worship!

That your mind will be clear of any distractions and worries.
That you won't be comparing your husbands to other men.
That God will reveal to you if you have any heart issue or sin that needs to be dealt with.
That your marriage bed will stay pure.
For your communication with your husband to be open and honest. (in a respectful way)

*Create a drawer if you don't already have one or a box. In that drawer or box keep the essentials for romance. Your children must have strict orders to stay out!

Sheet music or The act of marriage book (or any book that pertains to this subject)
Music- put together a CD of your favorite love songs
Massage oil
Journal to keep up with the specific things you are praying for, for your love life.

What are some other things you would put in your drawer?

Ladies, can't wait for the next one!


  1. Monica, I think its awesome that you're willing to go out on a limb and do this series. In our church, the "seasoned" women started an Apples of Gold program (follows the book) to mentor younger wives and mothers. One of the nights, the older ladies specifically talk about maintenance sex. Very candid discussion, but very valuable. Have you ever read "Red Hot Monogamy"? It's by Bill and Pam Ferrell...awesome book too! I'm reading "Have a new kid by Friday" by Kevin Lehman and just finished his "Birth Order book." But will check out "Sheet Music" too!

  2. Sandy that's another great book! Lots of great ideas!

  3. I have heard a lot of good things about "Sheet Music" and have even picked it up in the bookstore a time or two...but the hubby isn't too keen on reading books like that. I guess most men think that as long as they are having sex then that's all that matters. LOL Great post! I love that you are so open and honest with such an "intimate" subject :)

  4. LOVE these posts!

    okay, now i have to go out and find these books!

    and you're totally right. when you're not intimate with your significant other you for a long period of time you end up getting very snappy and irritable with each other. it's amazing what a little "release" will do for a marriage.

    i also read that "intimacy" at least twice a week will add 5 years to your life! good to know!

    as far as the "box" - we totally have a "box". it's a pink, silk box. i think it came with my "ralph lauren romance" perfume from like 2000 or something - crazy old. but it does it's job! we keep pretty much everything you've listed other than lingerie and the books. and we keep someting extra in ours that you don't have listed - lubricant - sometimes it's a MUST! :)


  5. I really like how you say to pray for our sex life. My husband and I don't do that as often as we should. We do have a drawer! I will have to tell him about those books! I am sure he will be completely on board with getting them ;)
    Thank for writing about such a private subject.

  6. 1. LOVE the idea of having a scheduled night and finding time to be spontaneous otherwise.

    2. LOVE the fact that you pray for your intimate life with your hubby. I will start doing that.

    3. LOVE that you have a drawer. I need to add some of that stuff to my pretty nightgown drawer!

    4. LOVE that you check in with your husband before you post these!

    5. LOVE that you are doing this series!

    6. Would you make a button code to go with your pillow talk image? Maybe one 125x125. I'd be happy to make you one if you don't have the time.

    7. I will be sharing your series on my blog.

    8. Did I mention I LOVE YOU!


  7. PS: I've read the Act of Marriage, but never Sheet Music.

    I'll pick it up! Thanks for the heads up.

  8. Great post! I think the idea of having a scheduled intimate night is wonderful! I definitely need to do that with my husband. As a woman, it is very hard for me to not "multitask" in my mind. I can so easily become distracted while with my husband and start thinking about cleaning the house or other things. Having a day to pray and start to focus on him is a good idea!
    Praying together is a great idea too and my husband and I really need to do this.
    I have The Act of Marriage and I agree with you, it is definitely not for someone who is not married.

  9. Monica,
    I enjoy reading these. Some girls would feel umcomfortable posting this. My family reads my blog so talk about totally weird:) I have to be careful what I post, lol!! Maybe I will someday. But, you did have some good ideas. Thanks again for sharing your heart.

  10. I love occasionally having scheduled sex. I was told at a marriage confrence to mark it on the calender as TS (Think Sex). I think women need that time to prepare themselves mentally. After all for most women, intimacy is about 80% mental.

  11. Oh, wow. I was just scrolling through your blog and found this series. I just love how candid and authentic you are. I love the drawer/box idea. I am going to go upstairs right now and clear out a drawer in our night stand and fill it with this kind of stuff! I also love the idea of praying together with my husband for intimacy and having a scheduled night. Lovely post!!

  12. Hi!

    I've got a question... I LOVE the idea of a scheduled night for sex, but my husband is rather against it. He says it feels unromantic. How can i get him on board? Any reactions from your husband on this?


  13. I'm not sure which blog I jumped here from, doesn't matter, I loved your post! This is so important and needs to be talked about from woman to woman. There are things we just have to know and accept about ourselves, about our man, and about sex. I read Sheet Music as well. It changed my life, and I'm sure it changed hubbies life too (and he didn't read it)! I have added your button to my blog so other women passing through will get the idea and pass it on and inspire others. This is stuff my mom never told me, come to think of it I don't think she knows! No one told her either. . .

  14. I really enjoyed reading both of the pillow talk segments. I'm 21 and my first baby is 14 months old. Ever since giving birth I just haven't felt that drive, but of course nothing's changed for hubby. I want to be a good wife - and this has helped me to put it all in perspective and get a better mindset. I hope you continue with this! Looking forward to the next one!

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  16. Monica,
    I could not agree with you more on the need for oneness and intamacy. I tell my husband at times, we need time together because I feel like we are starting to feel like roomates instead of a married couple. This encouragement is so needed for us all!! Thanks for the reminder that oneness is key to healthy marriage...
    Shawna Rose


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